Two Pillows.

There used to be two pillows in my bed

One

for each head that rested here.

Yours, covered in strands of hair.

Mine, thin but sturdy.

But now there’s one pillow

covered in the stains of yesterday.

~J.Varina

 

Escape the Void.

I wanted to no longer be judged.
I’ve been held under the microscope like a new organism
I wanted to fall in the ranks.

I finally had my authenticity affirmed in this symbiotic city
The world was okay with being who I am
But who am I now?

I know that the me today will be a memory for the future me but what will I do now to determine who he will be. I’m a paradox but we all are…right?

I’m an escape artist

I forcibly trap myself in impossible situations
Squirm, stretch and even dislocate bones to break free
Maybe thats why I’m always bored when the trap is disarmed
And then I wonder when I will get snatched up again
Life loved flirting with me, picking me up when I start to fall forward. Slows my walk to a crawl when I try and move to fast

Loose shoelaces

That’s what I discovered this week, that life was nothing but loose shoelaces. Flapping in the wind, always directing your attention to it when it’s inconvenient, dirtying itself up when we drag on for too long.

I’m not done exploring the dark side of The American Dream so I leave continuing to pry at the layers of this das man.

Hoping to find God or the void in my being.

~J. Varina

Ambition/Harmony.

“The universe is not required to be in perfect harmony with human ambition.” – Carl Sagan 

Rain Fall.

She once told me she wanted to be a raindrop,

So she would never fall alone

After hearing those words I worked to become Icarus

Climbing to the heavens only to tumble to the earth

The gray skies spoke of thunder

Lightning lasered across the horizon

Helping to illuminate the path to you

Maybe our precipitation can’t be predicted

Centuries of water sprites caught in gravity’s grasp

Searching for a landing strip to crash land on

Meteorological reports may be pure myth

But every fiction has honest diction

The rain washes over the ground

Grossly covering

Flooding

Seeping into every nook and cranny only to clear it empty

Leaving nothing behind

My dear do not dream to be just like the rest

Dashing through heaven only to find hell shortly after for

the rain falls too fast to feel anything.

She told me she wanted to be a rain drop

So she wouldn’t be afraid to fall alone

My wish is that she will descend with a white slowness

Because the world is hard and soulless

And I’d prefer to cushion her arrival

For

The snow ferments in the sky

Aging,

Patiently waiting for the opportune moment to break free from the wisps

By God, that day has come

I shall await thee

Ready to cradle you in my mittens

I admit, I was nervous at first

For too much warmth can melt

But I am careful to be careless

Even snowflakes can make a desert seem delicious

I ask that you

Cover my earth with your crystals

Blanket my naked body with your pale skin

You no longer need to be a

raindrop,

My dear you are a speck of snow,

The first sign of winter.

~J.Varina

Re-Genesis.

In the beginning God said “we need to talk…”
He whispered to the sleeping darkness
Blindsided by the light confused as Moses was when a  bush started talking
I wonder if we’re burning the same

But anyways she sat, shocked and confused

Like the disciples watching Judas kiss the cheek of Christ, condemning him to a bitter end. Not ready to accept that this harmony was about to be broken into a million shards of glass all reflecting the truth that she was now alone

And then came the earthquakes, phases of tectonic feelings and thoughts shifting around her soul. Causing frantic of moments of fear, where she started to wonder if she’ll ever find it again, or did she not give enough trying to stay stable as a foundation of barren emotions begins to rise, a new world arriving with nobody to share it with.

Hello.

It ended with hello

two strangers coming together with a half crooked smile,

Sitting down; close enough to try and almost feel the presence of the other but not too close

Because they once were

Before the breakup

Before the heavy drinking

Before the silent nights

Being forced to watch each other try and stay afloat in a whirlpool of emotions,

Flailing with no effect.

Love was once shared like open arms at church, and allowed to bloom

Like forgotten flowers in corner.

His hands used to bring warmth, and her smile was a tad more infectious then.

But the truth about love is that it must obey time as well.

Starting off strong but ending so weak, like a terminal patient.

The four letter cancer eventually ravaged their bodies, twisting words from “I love you” to “I’m not sure anymore…“

two shadows sat with each other

Each waiting for the other to speak first, because in this moment they were one again. But moments are momentary, and this too shall pass…

Not able to bear the responsibility of breaking the silence,

because with words they will discover how fractured they really are

And learn the truth that all hope died when he said

hello.

~J.Varina

Hungry Chaos.

The scary thing about chaos…

is that it’s

Addicting. 

It seeps into your dreams and makes you crave more.

You never really know if you’ll break free. 

~J.Varina