The tale of the weary warrior
Is long, but also short.
His goal unknown
Yet, hidden under his shield.
He wanders, through the dreams, the midnight thicket, and cosmos.
Discovering
More of himself
At each destination;
But he struggles,
Often.
Watching his knees buckle, underneath the gravity of his situation
Not all wanders are lost, most are forgotten.
But his journey has brought him to a new beginning.
A strange phenomenon seems to be occurring within the being that I call my self. Ideas, questions, and answers that seemed too foreign to comprehend at the beginning of my journey are slowly becoming known, and I believe that this prolonged suffering is one of the keys to unlocking the next stage.
Why are we afraid of suffering?
Was it not one of the byproducts of being brought into this world? To love, to learn, and to suffer are what we live and die for; or rather, it is these three fundamental principles that govern our existence. The majority of my speculation and extensive readings have concentrated primarily on ancient knowledge and stark rationality; however, I am somehow also in tune with the power of swelling emotions.
There is a rhythm to feelings, a spastic occurrence or a gradual rising and falling of immature thoughts. And yet, this does not explain what is happening now.
As I suffer this agony related to the loss of my dear cousin, Danielle, I am simultaneously being exposed to a new realm of influence, action, and most importantly, belief. Emotions do not control the individual; however, it cannot be stated, with 100% assurance, that man controls his emotions. Rather, it seems that emotions are somewhat tied to the id that lives below the surface of the ego, and by experiencing a crippling blow (in this case anguish and grief), one is able to examine the complete spectrum of emotions and, subsequently, recognize the consequences of utilizing them.
It is as if I have become more in tune with the thoughts in my head by allowing the pains in my metaphysical gut to project rather than repress. In essence, I have temporarily found a way to access the vast wellspring of inspiration, desire, and change. God granted us the capacity for suffering (AKA passion) so we would discover the truth of life, and to live is to love, no?
Text: Existentialism is a Humanism by Jean-Paul Sartre
“Prior to that projection of self, nothing exists…and man shall attain existence only when he is what he projects himself to be-not what he would like to be” (Sartre, 23).
“Will is a conscious decision that most of us undertake after we have made ourselves hat we are” (Sartre, 23).
“Choosing himself he is choosing for all men”
Vocabulary:
Text: Journals of Ayn Rand by Ayn Rand, Edited by David Harriman
“The moral law of man must be based on his nature as man” (Rand 251). We come back to morality, which is a set of principles concerning what is right and wrong. If this doctrine is based on man, then the questioned presented by Rand is “what is man’s nature?” (251). If we examine the moral law, we find that good and evil are disproportionate, goodness is greatly overshadowed by evil. What does this say about our nature? That we are evil? This is doubtful. All living creatures have an aspect of their nature that aids them in survival, Rand believes that man’s attribute is reason. “His brain is his only weapon” (251). Just like any other tool, one must use it in order to improve its level of proficiency. Man has tapped into his tool of survival and created a world. Sartre believed that a man must exist before his purpose and Rand has stated something similar; we are given our mind, but without any instruction on how to utilize it. We must be the ones to discover how to use it, and then shape ourselves with this tool. This is how we discover our being, by crafting it with what we have been given a mind born as a tool from our nature. “Man’s life ultimately depends upon every conclusion within his brain” (252). It is stated that conclusion is the final step in the process of discovery, then how does one reach a true conclusion? I believe it is by placing an action towards the thought. Simply put, it is not enough for the brain to think, it must do. In order to do, we must choose an appropriate action, which leads us to, as Rand says, “the ultimatum of man’s existence” We were created to choose, to utilize a force other than instinct and primal logic in order to survive. Choice is defined by Merriam-Webster as “to decided that a particular person or thing is the one you want.” Want. What then is the importance of want? We want, that is what defines us, all other creatures have needs but only man understands want. There is proof in all of us: we seek, we hope, we dream, we wish. All of these have one fundamental quality in common and that is want. It is what drives us to do the things that are against our universal nature, in an effort to choose something, even if it is against his survival. “He [the animal] enjoys a safety that man can never have” (253). Our true nature isn’t based on survival, it is based on want; and oftentimes that want will overshadow our survival. Just as the birds learn to flap their fragile wings before flight, so to must man utilize his tool for survival before entering the world. Then how does one test his brain? By choosing the need over the want, by focusing on survival and rationality, but can this truly be obtained? Is man capable of always choosing survival? No, because the want that resides within him is too great. The want is what separates us from each other, and by watching others “deducing” we have learned to choose wants over needs. What this entails is that if men, unanimously, choose want then that is the fundamental principle of mankind. From a moral standpoint, want is neither good nor evil. Exactly what happens when man does not behave like a man and misuses his process of thought, his tool, to seek something other than survival? “There is no proper name for that thing which he becomes (253)”. In the end we are not men, but a new form altogether with a nature that was dismantled and reshaped with want at the core.
Before I continue I am inclined to explore this concept of want. By determining it’s origin we have found some understanding of it, but why is it such a dominant force in our lives? What is inside us that would force individuals to pursue an object that is within direct conflict with our nature. It is a blessing, for it provides us with something more than a survival; but alternatively doubles as a curse and removes and hope of safety from our minds. For this I will examine two types of individuals, the laborer and the liberal (in the sense of the man free from work). The laborer is exactly what a man is supposed to be, a creature who acts and chooses that will enhance his survival. He chooses to awake and enter the greasy factor, or the claustrophobic cubicle and he does so without question. The reason he does not ponder his decisions (or even acknowledge the possibility of choice) is because it benefits his chances of extending his brief stint of life. He is acting in accordance with his given nature. But the liberal has erased any notion or idea of survival, no longer fitting his form. Instead, he does whatever he desires with or without question, by utilizing the three steps of discovery (deduction, observation, conclusion) in order to choose; but more often than not, he chooses his want over need. This is a “dangerous” choice because it puts “survival” at risk, but this also yields a new alternative to solely existing. The liberal who pursues this adjunct to life discards his title-and his pre-determined nature-as a man in an attempt to become a new being. This being is then “nature-less” which ultimately means that he he is now capable of authentically defining himself, in other words, becoming an existentialist.
An existentialist is a being who has cast away the definitive, and original, nature of man in order to chase desire. It is this new adventure that will give one an opportunity to define his self. “Man is the only being that is capable of being something that it is not.” (253) Does our “responsibility to remain” men help or hinder us, especially in this digital age? The choice is yours may be the most damning statement I have ever heard. If man’s nature is capable of transforming, then we cannot expect a moral code to exist, because it is based on a transformative foundation. If the tides of life continue to wreck the sandcastle, how can we expect to have any fundamental foundations? Morality is based on an individuals own desire and choice. Think of how quick we are to condemn an act evil, contingent upon the scenario. The classic example is murder. It is immoral for a man to take a life, yet it is justified for a man to take a life; then it is either both good and evil, or neither, to take a life. How can we expect morality to truly exist for man, when he is constantly revamping his original nature into his own authentic definition, and one that isn’t shared amongst his neighbors. The modern man is moral-less, he is constantly defining his nature, constantly choosing options other than survival. Drinking liquor, smoking tobacco, practicing monogamy, all of these are “irrational” options and yet each day, millions of humans will choose to follow them. Does that make them less of a man? Negative, it makes them their own man for they are out actively seeking their wants. The world we live in has forced men to do something more than simply survive. We no longer exist to survive instead we are here to choose, and more importantly, choose our desires, our intentions, our wants. If this is to be our existence then we are no longer the same men as before, even though we’ve retained the same look.
The moral code cannot be shared, yet there is a universal ideal that can be applied to each of us. “Am I right? (254) is the “first, most crucial question a man asks of himself.” Why do we seek to be right? We don’t, we only want to choose what’s right. If one has done that then they have fallen within their personal moral code, and they have done good. If this is the case then can a man truly consider himself evil? Possibly, but he is only evil if he cannot answer the question. Society may view him as evil-based on that universal morality that has been generated by the collective-but the individual will not consider themselves to be evil, so long as they believe they made “the right choice.”. That is the true danger of a nature-less nature; “the right choice” may in fact be pure evil, but he may not consider it that because it was his want. It is vital that we utilize logic and weigh out the consequences of each choice before taking them, it is this rationality that ultimately aids in strategizing to survive the modern world. A man is able to define his nature, thereby defining his morality. This principle is the sharpening stone for the brain, if one is able to make moral choices, then they are good. However, are moral choices morally correct? Social media has given way to a brand new nature, a collective an individual nature that spans the globe. The platform has increased the desire for want, and has significantly aided in the discovery process. We are now able to observe others discard their nature, and don an entirely new one (the creation of an avatar/profile/esse) ; witnessing this process surely must have an effect on us, but to what extent? Did it increase our desire or did it affect our choices, or must we have patience giving the results time to be analyzed? This demands further reviewing. Our world may very well be becoming what it is because so few of us are acting as original men, and instead pursing the wants of our lives, regardless of the moral compass that was originally thought to drive us. “Man exists and must survive as men, the axiom of the only morality proper to man” (254).
Existentialism is a Humanism by Jean-Paul Sartre
“How can we measure the strength of a feeling?” (Sartre, 33). We begin with a comparison of the values of man versus his instincts, specifically feelings. What are feelings and should man trust them? According to Webster’s, feelings are “an emotional state or reaction” and “a belief, especially vague or irrational”. Based on this definition, we can conclude that feelings are not natural aspects of man; somewhere along the social evolutionary timeline, feelings were given a greater role in our lives, but should they have been? They are also described as reactions and states-both which are varying-yet not described as laws or principles. Feelings do not contain the permanence required to assist man, then what exactly does a feeling do for us? It lays down the blueprint for us to perform an action that has stemmed from a thought. Sips chilled henny Now the dilemma that Sartre warns us of is the cyclic nature. “Performing an action that confirms and defines it [feeling]. However…I am depending on this affection to justify my action.” (Sarte x). We often act on feelings, but we also act because of them. These mental constructs, lined with immature passion, both govern and destroy our basic existences; they are a tangent to the fated life. Yet, it is the inclusion of feelings that ultimately aid the modern man in the discovery of self. Want is nothing but a feeling, and even though the desire may change the origin of that feeling is still the same. And want is a way for us to utilize our brains to form conclusions based on our experiences. “Feelings are developed through action” (Sartre x). Imagine when a young boy meets a woman for the first time. By performing a series of actions, his soul forms a preemptive conclusion about this woman (love). Now, after enough actions have been completed, he will be compelled to perform more actions. Over time he may believe that it was this feeling that begun his actions, but in reality, it was the the initial acts of recognition, pursuit, or whatever else that spawned this motion. “I shouldn’t seek within myself some authentic state that will compel me to act,” Sartre is justifying his earlier claims regarding feelings. Acting upon a feeling will only end in us becoming caught in a cycle, we must act then deal with the consequential feeling that follows after, and how we internalize this type of feeling, will determine the type of being we are. This personal understanding of a feeling is what leads a man through his life, and we alone, are charged with the dismantling of this process. However we choose to interpret a feeling, will ultimately aid us in the dissection of the next feeling. It is how we deal with life’s obstacles that determine our existence. In short, it is imperative that a man tackles his feelings, and turns them into truths before they overload his mental.
“Conquer yourself rather than the world.” – Rene Descartes
Text: Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
“we are what we think and desire (Aurelius 10)”
“Stoic: Indifferent to pleasure and pain, unafraid of death, resigned to fate, welcomes adversary as an ally (Aurelius 11)”
“None of them can harm me, for none can force me to do wrong against my will” 2:1
“Now it is change that sustains the universe” 2:3
“Use them [your days] to throw open the windows of your soul to the sun” 2:4
“This is possible, if you perform each act as if it were your last” 2:5
“You have made your happiness subject to others opinions” 2:6
“Take time to concentrate your mind…In order to combat anxiety one must focus on something beneficial.” 2:7
“No one can ever prevent me from saying and doing what is in complete conformity with the whole of which I am.” 2:8
“How swiftly everything disappears” 2:12
“A man can lose on the life is he is living/can only be deprived of the present moment.” 2:14
“Complaining against nature is a revolt against nature” 2:16
“What then can guide us through life? Philosophy.” 2:17
Man, what makes us sharpen swords
Don flawed armor
And brandish worn shields?
Willing to charge to death without delay,
Clashing against our own reflections.
We stand opposing others,
Who are us with minimal differences.
What is it that brings us face to face with the end?
Woman, what makes us say goodbye,
Releasing knitted grips on husbands,
On children,
On ourselves
Gladly sacrificing the security of family
to fight against gasping dead
Why do we freely follow the devil’s tail?
Humanity, what is the noble ideal?
The goal since Genesis,
An abstract notion that has been
Smeared with the blood of every era.
How many futures have been removed,
Because they sought to uplift this idea.
Why do we support the sacrifice of the soul?
Self, do not be fooled.
Look to the sky with questions,
For unopposed values are
Columns with no foundation;
Puropose-less displays of products.
This noble ideal, it is the razor blade
Resting in the extended hand,
Waiting to taste your flesh.
I beg thee,
Do not follow the noble ideal.
Text: Existentialism is a Humanism by Jean-Paul Sartre.
We start out in Sartre’s work (Existentialism is a Humanism), by defining what existentialism is not. During his era, it was a “fashionable trend” to call oneself or be classified as an existentialist. It seemed that artistic individuals were mainly subjected to this title, possibly because art has direct ties to philosophy. Art may be the physical form of the thought of man, however, existentialism seems to exist (ha!) in a realm reserved only for “specialist and philosophers”. It takes more than deep thought or profound conversation to be considered an existentialist. There is a common agreement between all existentialist that “existence precedes essence,” and according to Sartre, this is the first principle of the definition of existentialism. He utilizes the idea of the paper knife, a tool created a certain way and has a definite purpose. The craftsman does not create the knife without a formula or purpose, but man is not solely a tool. In order for one to be an existentialist, he must believe that he existed without definite knowledge of his purpose. Although man may be created, he is crafted from “nothing”, a concept rooted in Heidegger’s phenomenology. We cannot understand the nature of nothing, but we can assume that it is being devoid of anything. After being born from nothingness, without a universal nature-also known as human nature-man can begin to define himself. It is similar to the zygote and embryo, cells are unspecified at first, and only after time will they be differentiated and defined. To be an existentialist, you must believe that our being is a stem cell, that must be exposed and defined, rather than given a set definition.
Text: Black Skin, White Mask by Frantz Fanon
I pose a question that may be considered dangerous if truly studied. Does the black (read oppressed) individual have a being, or is this philosophical entity solely for white (read oppressive) individuals. Think, a being is an individual that is birthed from nothing, and exists for itself. Through generational colonization, the black man was brought into “existence”-according to their values-from the white man, his original being died the minute the rusted shackles touched his skin. “Not only must the black man be black; he must also be black in relation to the white man” (Fanon, 90). What is it about the white world that makes us live the way we do? Our original beings are no longer alive, what’s left of our former selves are fragments that have been glued together by their world’s ideas of humanity. While living in the black world, we see glimpses of our beings trying to reconnect with us within this safety net. We become one with our essence, and come to appreciate the nature that thrives within our own realm; however, once we exit this illusion, we are cast back into reality. “The man of color encounters difficulties in elaborating his body sclera.” Truthfully I do not have a full understanding of this topic, but I shall nonetheless attempt to decipher the meaning. To be black means that you have a “bodily curse”, it is something that is forever evident to us. We are told truths about our skin, that they eventually pile up and interferes with our creation of a being, and in turn altering our relation to the world. “Now, they were beginning to be scared of me.” This “fear” is a penetrating force. When you are an agent of fear, it can dramatically alter your perception of the self. Along with this, another major factor is the belief that we are “responsible…for my race and ancestors. (Fanon, 92)”. A rather disheartening reality to accept but think how many times we are grouped into a category, deemed dangerous, and then treated with an appropriate manner? The white man is capable of dividing himself from other whites, thereby establishing his individuality, however, since black is already separated from the white, he must automatically exist as a collective. This “collective” has been exploited by all institutions of the system, but it also affects our chances of securing authenticity. In their eyes, we are all the same. Not only are we grouped with our brothers and sisters, but also with our ancestors. This is both problematic and beneficial for us. The white man fails to see our worth, for he still latches onto the being known as a slave: the lazy, uneducated, poor, expendable laborer that is completely dependent upon white salvation. We must seek a way to separate ourselves from the false stereotype. On the other hand, having a background to base our existence off of may provide us with a sense of purpose. Black’s may never have the opportunity to create a being from nothing, so we must find a way to create one from something, and even though it may have been given to us, it is up to the individual to determine how much of their essence they wish to extract from this “something”. We hail from some of the most resilient individuals, but resilience alone will not win a revolution, only radical action will. Knowing that we share the same blood with these “warriors” should give us an edge on those who define themselves based on material wealth. As we prepare the future generation, we must educate them on the being that they are capable of becoming, based on their skin. Creating goals, values, and desires that match up with the “something” that they were birthed from, as well as the ideal that rest within their own individual. There is a clear misrepresentation of blacks by the white man, and often this leads to severe consequences for the former, why? Because the black man does not hold the power of decision-a power granted only to being that have will. When the black man has the freedom (and free will) to choose and to decide, without interference from the white world, he will discover his being and his power.
Foreward
This forthcoming body of work may amount to absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things, and it may only benefit the one who is creating it; however, I have a slim degree of faith that this confession will inevitably aid the individual. I was once, and may still be, an individual but in asking these questions, I hope to be less man and more self. These words are part of an expression, a cry from the depths of an ever-expanding mind. Questions have struck like falling meteors-some ancient and some modern-and in writing them down, I plan to seek an understanding, or at least be led towards one. This is an expression of my self, a being not yet fully blossomed, the sprouts of a broken seed who has lived within the damp darkness of ignorance. I write this as my eyes adjust to the light for the first time, leaving the moist cavern behind me. In my musings, I have uncovered a few truths that may apply to all men and women, or solely to me. I cannot tell the reader, if there is any, what they should do with this information; yet I wish these words will aid when it is time for them to form their own questions. Such is the nature of the man, the being I aspire to become. Within all of us, we have the tool to define ourselves, craft our nature, and differentiate between those who surround us. We are divisive creatures, yet we have no foundations of our own, save for the ones society has purposefully assigned to us. If you are reading this then I challenge you to use your mind, always. It is the gift that God has bestowed upon us, and it will serve as the greatest source of truth, even in the darkest of days.
At the first of the month, for the next year, I am going to post essays that I have written in my personal journal. These topics will range from existential philosophy, my walk with God, liberation, creativity, and other thoughts that enter my mind throughout the days. I hope that my ramblings will be able to aid whoever decides to read them, the same way that I was aided when these words were first written.
The Nuclear Cottage 